Fair Fish

Summer of 1988

I took my kids, as I always did to the county fair. I didn’t count on their ping pong tossing abilities improving with age, so alas we went home with a fair-fish. A hearty little gold fish that would become a part of the family for several years. Who would have guessed that? Gold fish usually become upside down floaters somewhere between night and the early dawn – don’t they?

I would have to say that Fair-fish was indeed a member of the catfish family. I say this because that little guy had many lives, like a cat.

Life 1;
I couldn’t find anyone to fish sit, so I had to take him on a road trip with me. I put him in a mason jar with a screw top lid, which I periodically unscrewed to let air in. When I reached my destination, I put Fair-fish on the floor board and opened the lid so he could breath. I decided to just leave the open jar on the floor while I went in to visit my friends.
Like a dummy I let one of my friends borrow my car to run to the store a couple of blocks away. (I was young and dumb – and had never seen Judge Judy before) When he returned, he was flushed and upset. At first I thought that it had something to do with my car, and then my eyes widened as I remembered Fair-fish hanging out on the floorboard.
My horror turned to hysterical laughter as he shared his experience. He wasn’t aware of the fish until he turned a corner, causing the jar to tip and the fish to flop out, gasping for breath. In a panic, he pulled over, and picked the fish up gently. With the fish flipping in the palm of his hand he tried to think about what to do. He saw a Burger King across the street and decided to run over to it for help. He looked down at the fish and spit on it to keep it from drying out.
Once inside the restaurant he began yelling and pushed his way to the front of the line, startling employees and customers alike. The consensus was that something terrible had happened out on the street. He held out his palm to a bewildered girl working behind the counter and asked for a glass of water.
Once the fish was safely in the glass of water, the restaurant irrupted in cheers and laughter.

Life 2;
Having Navy boys for friends certainly had it crazy times. My kids were spending the weekend with their dad and it was one of those times where I had had enough and just wanted everyone to go away. I had just worked a long shift at the Bicycle Club Casino in Bell Gardens, California. I came home to a bunch of drunken fools, which really didn’t help my already bad mood.
I heard a commotion in the kitchen and ran to see what was going on. Everyone was staring at Fair-fish’s bowl. I peeked over tall shoulders and noticed that his water was yellow and he was looking very distressed. I freaked out and elbowed my way to the kitchen counter to rescue my pet.
Once I had him safely into a glass of clean water I turned angrily to the group of fools, demanding to know what had happened. It seemed that one of the bleeping sailors thought that it would be funny to pour a Corona into the fish bowl. That was the last party at my place.

Life 3;
Fair-fish was on display in a beautiful new bowl on the mantel above the fireplace. The multi-shades of blue rocks matched the carpet and sofa perfectly. He was a happy healthy fish with long flowing fins. I was amazed that he had made it three years so far.
For reasons unbeknownst to me, my roommate, who worked in the Fire Safety business decided to pour gasoline on the dwindling flickers of flame in the fireplace. There was a loud whoosh and he jumped back quickly with a yell.
I ran past him to grab up Fair-fish’s bowl, which was now covered with a thick black film. I took my fish into the dining room and returned to give my roommate a piece of my mind. The dumb ass!! He could have burned down the house!! My anger turned to laughter as I saw that his eyebrows were gone. He so deserved it, even though he didn’t exactly see it that way.

Life 4;
Thanksgiving was going to be at my mom’s in Oregon. I decided that it would be too troublesome to take Fair-fish with us, and my little sister Kellie offered to take care of him. I had reservations about this but asked myself how bad could it be?
The holiday was wonderful and I returned home still full of the warm wonderful feelings that come with that time of year. I called my stepmother to let her know that I we were safely home and that I would drop by the following day after work.
I was greeted by Kellie when I pulled into the driveway. I knew without asking that something was wrong. She explained that she had just had a funeral for my fish. Flashes of horrific images flew through my mind. Kellie didn’t have a great track record with small pets left in her care.

Sadly, all I could hope for was that he really was dead before getting the big flush.