Secret Smoker

From the 'What Was That All About?' series.


At first I thought nothing of it. I lived in a rather large apartment complex, and people came and went continuously. It was a warm, sunny afternoon - good day to go out and clean up my back deck. I was sweeping and heard a car drive in just below me, so I glanced down absently from my second floor vantage point. It was nothing special, just a little white BMW. It circled the parking lot once and then parked near the fence.

I bent down to sweep up the little pile I had made and as I stood up to empty the contents of my dust pan, I noticed that a woman was standing at the rear of the BMW and that she had opened the trunk. I figured she was just getting out groceries or something. I went inside for a moment before returning to my deck cleaning.

As I came out onto the deck, I noticed that the woman had put on a hot pink jacket and baseball hat. Her head was surrounded by the smoke she had just exhaled from the cigarette she was smoking. She was looking around nervously. My thought was that perhaps she was one of those people who don’t smoke inside of their homes and was getting her fix before going inside – wherever that might be. I continued with my chore.

I was rolling my little Weber back into the corner when I saw the woman take off her jacket, put it into a plastic bag and then do the same with her hat. She put them back into the trunk, gave a quick toss of her head, fluffing out her platinum blond hair, got back into her car and drove away. I then realized that she was a secret smoker.

I didn’t really think that I would ever see her again, but she returned again, and again. She had the whole routine down. I began looking for her – quite amused.

It only got better as she graduated from just tucking her hair up under her hot pink hat and to pulling what looked to be a produce bag over her head to completely cover her hair. Hmm, she must have been questioned on the home front or something.

Then came the day that impulse took over, and my boyfriend Rich was game to go along with my crazy idea. We were just pulling in from work and saw her taking off her super secret smoker shields. I told Rich that I wanted to follow her. I was curious about many things, one of which was about just how close to my world she was located. I mean, why had she chosen my parking lot to do her deed?

I instructed Rich to keep an eye on her while I turned my car around. He agreed to the task so I went about the business of turning around. He pointed to a white car heading south on Bothell Everett Hwy so I began tailing it. I kept my distance and used over exaggerated hand gestures, to appear nonchalant in case she had noticed me.

We followed the car for a few miles and then it turned into a ritzy neighborhood. I turned also but slowed way down. The white car pulled into a driveway and we passed it just in time to see the driver exit the car. It wasn’t even her!!!! We followed the wrong car! I glared at Rich – all he had to do was keep his eye on the car. He explained that once we got to the highway that he saw two white BMW’s and panicked. So he just picked one of them and hoped it was the right one. Well it wasn’t. CSI isn’t his thing for sure.

I have only seen her a few more times since then, so hopefully she gave up that nasty habit. But still the question remains, ‘What was that all about?’